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Have made no secret in the past of intensely disliking, and even outright hating a lot, a vast majority of The Asylum's and SyFy's (near-universally maligned for good reason) output, though there is curiosity as to whether they are capable of making something good and compulsive about their output's badness. Admittedly, both The Asylum and SyFy do have a small group of watchable films and the occasional (big emphasis on that word) above average one, unfortunately outweighed by the lacklustre at best and often dreadful films they churn out.Before anybody gets defensive, am well aware that films like 'Megalodon' are not ones to be taken seriously when watching it on the SyFy channel last night. Have seen my fair share of low-budget shark films, and any other kind of low-budget creature film, and will admit to finding some guilty fun in some of them (i.e. the first two 'Sharknado' films, the novelty's worn off now). There are marginally worse shark films, but is that an endorsement or saying much? Not really. Take no pleasure in rating films low or leaving negative reviews. Actually always aim to be an encouraging and perceptive reviewer, and 1/10 ratings are extremely rare. Actually wanted to see 'Megalodon' as at least a guilty pleasure.Sadly 'Megalodon' is just too amateurish to accept as a guilty pleasure, where nearly everything is just poor quality that it's insulting and there is nowhere near enough fun, intentional or unintentional, moments. Was not expecting anything intelligent here, am well versed now to know that it is not that kind of film, but it does feel like it was made by somebody who didn't know how to give a film brains, so much so that it'll make the viewer feel dumb and that is not a nice sensation to feel watching a film.Cheapness and ridiculousness were taken to extremes here in 'Megalodon'. Some marginally intriguing, if very silly, ideas but comes off so far-fetchingly that it is impossible to take things for what they're intended to be let alone take them seriously. Visually, even when knowing what to expect, 'Megalodon' still looks really cheap. Any nice scenery that the movie has is difficult to appreciate when the movie is shot in such a drab way and when it's edited so amateurishly that bacon-slicer-like editing looks more refined. Worst of all in this regard are the effects, as it was made on low-budget it would have been forgiven a little if it was not great, but when the effects for the shark look as if no effort was given in making them without looking so goofy and unfinished-looking that is hard to ignore. The attention to detail for uniforms etc. is next to nothing, it looks like no research went into this.No better news about the shark's personality. Not menacing or fun, it's basically bland and for a titular creature it doesn't feature in the film enough and is used poorly, almost random. The shark action is nothing to write home about, not enough of it and easily forgettable with no suspense or even unintentional humour.Writing ranges between incredibly bad to appalling. Any comedy is incredibly forced and is so cheesy it is enough to make the eyes roll in disbelief, while the more serious moments are very awkwardly written and as trite as anybody can possibly go. Then there is the muddled and borderline incoherent technobabble/jargon that sounded made up on the spot. To describe the story as weak is being too insulting to the word weak, it is a very lethargically paced and thin as ice story with lots of padding that is either badly written or serves no point at all to the movie, other than attempts at novelty value, which falls flat on its face because it all feels so tired. It is not fun, it is not scary and it is not thrilling or suspenseful, it's just nothing but tired stupidity, with silly ideas being ridiculous and muddled in execution. The ending stretches dumbness too far that it will make the jaw drop at its excessive ridiculousness.As for the characters, they are a mix of bland and annoying, not an interesting or rootable character among them thanks to such nonsensical and illogical behaviours and decisions (a pet peeve of mine and am staring to detect an annoying pattern in recent low-budget viewings). The portrayal of the Navy and its roles shows immense disrespect and in no way looks like a military service. The acting is either disinterested or hammy, Michael Madsen looks like he was there for the money or a favour but really wanted to be somewhere else.In conclusion, a mega failure in every way. 1/10 Bethany Cox
MEGALODON is another cheap knock-off from The Asylum, this time taking aim at THE MEG. Oddly the plot has nothing to do with that film's, instead focusing on a warship which goes into battle with a giant CGI shark animated by the usual awful effects work. Michael Madsen heads a cast of otherwise unknowns and the lack of money means that far more time is spent on human drama and dilemma than on actual shark action. However, it's not quite as badly written as many other Asylum movies I've watched, so it's not all bad...
Right, well of course The Asylum would make a mockbuster based on "The Meg", and voilà here we have "Megalodon".Indeed, but before you write "Megalodon" off as just another abysmal movie from The Asylum, it should be said that this movie wasn't actually quite as bad as it would otherwise be assumed. So perhaps you should take the time to watch "Megalodon" if you enjoy shark movies. Granted, this is not a revolution in the genre by any means, but it turned out to be entertaining enough for what it was.Sure, this movie was as predictable as they come. But let's be honest here, it is not the thing that such a movie is known to be. I will say that The Asylum actually upped their game quite a lot here in terms of having proper CGI effects in their movie. The shark was actually quite nicely made, and it looked fairly realistic. Just a shame that they kept using the same clip where the shark was swimming downwards into the depths and then turned around to swim back upwards. That clip was used so many times it was just painful to watch it again and again.The movie can't really boast having any major talents on the cast list, well aside from Michael Madsen, who everyone knows who is. Not saying that he is a major talent here, don't get me wrong. And his rendering of a navy commander was just abysmal. First of all, the hair. I don't think the navy would let a commanding officer prance around with such a mane of hair. And then also all the bling on his fingers. What, seriously? Again, very unlike the US Navy for such a thing to take place."Megalodon" is the type of movie that you watch once, just because it is a cheesy shark movie that follows every generic blueprint in the book.
I hate this film. Like really hate it. Firstly, I hate Jason Statham, with his husky breathy voice and boringly perfect physique. I hate the trope dot com billionaire, for oh so many reasons. I hate the Asian woman with her perfect hair and make-up and criminally neglectful parenting. I hate her child, as much as this film wants me to love her cutesiness. I hate the token black guy who, obviously, is loud and dramatic at all times. I hate Statham's ex-wife, because of course she looks like that. I hate the Asian woman's dad with his soppy monologues and general pointlessness. And I particularly hate the punky goth woman or whatever the hell she is with her stupid Gen X hairdo, starter pack tattoos and unnecessary Botox.I hate every single second of the dialogue, more so than in any other film I've ever watched. I hate the 'romance' between Statham and Asian woman. I hate the complete triviality of violent death. I hate the lack of wind at sea. I hate the lack of hypothermia suffered by the cast. I hate the Chinese people at the beach. I even hate Pippin, purely because these cretinous writers wanted me to love him. But most of all, I hate the fact that I live on the same planet as people who actually enjoy this movie. I hate them.
Jonas Taylor (Jason Statham) leads an underwater rescue to a submarine. They are attacked by an unknown creature and he's forced to abandon two of his own men. He gets blamed by Dr. Heller from his team and withdraws into drinking in Thailand. Five years later, he is recruited to lead another underwater rescue. Billionaire Jack Morris (Rainn Wilson) has funded a deep water research to go beyond the deepest depths. Suyin Zhang (Li Bingbing) and her father lead the mission off the coast of China. Their submersible with three crew members are trapped after a creature attack.The first half is an underwater adventure. It's nothing great but at least, it's watchable. The second half has the movie and the shark coming to the surface. It rambles around and it stumbles to its cheesy finish. It would have been vastly better to make the whole movie about the deep water rescue mission and end the movie with the hot water jet escape. That's not to say the first half is any great filmmaking. The station is far too glossy and there are too many questionable issues. When Morris complained about the elevator, I'd rather have that type of dirty grime. It gives the movie inherent tension as if the station is ready to fall apart. All the hi-tech gloss works against that idea. Once the sharks get to the surface, their size is hard to gauge. There is one scene where the shark bites the station which shows the size but it's all lost when there is only the fin. This is half an ok movie and half a bad B-movie. It adds up to a rather flawed blockbuster. 2b1af7f3a8